I don’t have Celiac’s, but I do have an allergy to gluten that I’ve been trying to ignore for years. So, I’m FINALLY ready to just accept it and move forward with a gluten-free life.

I’m just really tired of getting sick :(

Can anyone recommend cookbooks, support books, online groups, recipes, ideas, support of any kind, really… Family is German/Austrian and food is prepared abundantly and without much thought outside the traditional. My family is super understanding, I’m just going to have a hard time at family gatherings (which are always centered around food and football)!

I also do a lot of cardio in my daily life (2 miles running + 10 mile bike commute + 8 hour shifts at Trader Joe’s = 5 days a week of serious calorie burning), so I want to make sure I’m staying fueled up the right way without getting sick. 

Thank you so much!!!!

XO, Penny

So, I think I’ve finally started to pull myself out of this funk. For the last couple weeks I’ve been a real downer and I think I’ve finally pushed past it. This is something that just happens from time to time and I always come out of it stronger, but it really wears me down. I feel like I need to hit my reset button and do some sort of cleanse for my body. 

I know there are a LOT out there, but I want to do one that’s healthy and isn’t going to leave me starving for a period of time. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I finally broke down and bought some protein powder. 

How do you utilize yours? Shakes? In juice? I want to use it for post-workout recovery.

All ideas are welcome!!! :)

XO, Penny

It’s been almost a month since I visited tumblr and I’m feeling so disjointed. Not just because I’ve neglected my social networking, but because the last few weeks have been strage. 

About a month ago I cracked a tooth, a molar on my lower right side. I needed to have it pulled but was waiting for my health insurance to kick in, so I just chewed very carefully on the other side when I ate and stayed away from any liquids besides luke warm, filtered water. One afternoon, I bit down wrong and shocked the exposed nerve in the damaged tooth, causing the absolute **!!WORST PAIN!!** I have ever experienced in my life. It lingered for DAYS and I was still 2 weeks away from my health insurance kicking in from my new job which meant I had to wait out any medical treatment.

I had a horrible reaction to the pain killers I was given and couldn’t eat anything for days at a time. I couldn’t work, I was tired all the time, and there was no way to subside the pain. I had to sleep sitting up because it hurt my tooth when I tried to lie down.

Kids, GO TO THE DENTIST!!! I have a friend who said she’d rather go through natural childbirth than deal with a toothache like the one I just experienced.

Anyway, thankfully I was able to get the tooth extracted and after a couple days of recovery I’m back to normal. In the time I was home wallowing in pain, I started to become… well, “obsessed” is too strong a word, but perhaps infatuated with the fact that I was losing weight so easily but just not eating (8 pounds in 2 weeks). A few people actually noticed too when I went back to work. “Have you lost weight?”

For a hot minute I actually considered continuing this eating habit. I would trade in one eating disorder for another, but the results would be different and I’d be happy. And my mom would be happy. I would be skinny.

Well, that lasted for an hour, then I went to the grocery store and bought all the foods I love to eat (the bad ones) and have binged for the last 4 days. I assume it was the 2 weeks of forced restriction that resulted in these cravings, and I’m really good at “rewarding” myself. “You lost so much weight this month, just have a pizza; it won’t matter.”

Well, here I am feeling full, uncomfortable, nauseous, and pretty disappointed in myself. I hate this lifestyle I’ve developed for myself and I can’t do this much longer. I had to make changes and stick with them. I deserve happiness and a healthy life. And I’m NOT going to find pure happiness if I’m thin. I’ve been thin before and there’s so much more to life than that. After logging back into tumblr and seeing how excited I’ve been after successful workouts and meals, it motivates me to continue working towards my goal.

I don’t know how many of you read this whole thing, but to those who did: THANK YOU. I love this blog and I’m happy to be a part of your struggles and successes. Thank you for your strength and passions and vulnerability. You’re amazing :)

XO, Penny <3

I usually just go to the Trader Joe’s next to my office and buy little things for the day, but I need to do MEALS for the week at home.

What is your perfect grocery list? 

What are your favorite healthy foods?

I’m especially interested in those that help in breaking down belly fat.

THANKS, GUYS!!

XO, Penny <3

It’s my biggest problem area and - as we all know - the most dangerous place to carry fat.

If anyone has any great workouts, foods to avoid/eat PLEASE share :)

THANKS SO MUCH!!

You’re all so wonderful :)

I’ve spent the majority of my life with an eating disorder.

I am a compulsive overeater.

Some might also call it a binger or emotional-eater. Either way, I’ve learned to stuff my feelings with food from a young age and am just now learning how to acknowledge those feelings and face them.

I was raised by both parents in Arizona. My father is a perpetually recovering alcoholic and my mother is a neurotic workaholic. I have one brother (he’s four years younger) and he’s an unbelievably talented tattoo artist in Austin, TX and he is my best friend.

To give you an idea of the ups and downs of my family: my earliest memory is of my mom coming into my room - several months pregnant with my brother - with a suitcase and starts packing my clothes. I could see down the hallway into my parents bedroom and my father is lying in bed devouring a bottle of Jack Daniels. My mother is crying and explaining that we need to stay with her friend for a while. We stayed with her friend for a few days before going back. I later found out (in my 20’s) that my mom had had an intervention for my dad and that’s when he began counseling.

I’ve spent my whole life being told by my parents, children at school, teachers, and society that I was simply not good enough. I stopped growing when I was 11 (I’m a full 5’10”) and the one phrase everyone used to describe me was “The Big Girl”. Needless to say, I just accepted I was always going to be the big girl and I might as well just go along with it.

I’ve accomplished some amazing things in my life, traveled overseas, met incredible people, and loved and lost and had my share of joy and defeat, but at the end of the day, the only thing that felt right was food. 

Food doesn’t judge.

Food doesn’t label you as “The Big Girl”.

Food doesn’t tell you what you don’t want to hear.

Food is a drug, and I used it as such.

It wasn’t until last year that I decided to seek help and began attending group and individual counseling sessions at an eating disorder clinic in town. At first I was confused and bothered when I was placed in a group with girls who were anorexic and bulimic because they didn’t “get it”. We were not the same in my eyes.

After a few weeks, however, I learned that we ALL had the same body issues. As well as similar food rituals, dreams, failures, desires, family disruption (some more or less than others), and the same skewed relationship with food: It’s not just food.

It’s a crutch.

It’s evil.

It’s a comfort.

It’s a life-ruiner.

It’s NOT. JUST. FOOD.

We are all on this blog for one reason: TO GET HEALTHY.

While we sit here to motivate and care for one another, let’s also consider that - despite our own opinions of certain body types and shapes - that we have no idea where the other one has come from, what they’re feeling, what their triggers are, or how they take in other’s comments. 

We will be subjected to the views and ideals of others for the rest of our lives, so let’s take a moment to think about changing ourselves, not someone else.

HAVE GRACE.

HAVE PATIENCE.

HAVE LOVE.

We are all in this together.

XO, Penny <3